Results – MCW: Red, White, & Bruised II – 7/17/10

The Rev reviews MCW: Red, White, & Bruised II on July 17, 2010 from The MCW Wrestleplex in Alliance, OH.

Once more, as sure as the weather’s hotter then the outskirts of Hell, it is I, your friendly neighborhood Reverend Rogue Six, with your “Red, White, & Bruised II” post-show review. . .

Justin Diaz (with Dick Jeremy) opened the evening by defeating Tex Tootin’ of the Rootin’ Tootin’ Buckaroos — with a very disturbing assist from the Blonde Wonder himself, Dick Jeremy.

The match started off with Tex taking control, but not for very long. Justin gained control of the match, and at the expense of ol’ Tex’s dignity (I’ve never seen anyone use the Macarena to break a hold before, but there’s a first time for everything. . .]. A couple of times, Tex bailed out of the ring to seek help from his brother Rex — but since they’re both masked. . .there could still have been something hinky going on, and I’m still damned if I can prove it. Diaz nailed Tex with a rather impressive Codebreaker, which left the Texan in the one corner — and open prey for a patented Justin Diaz Bronco Buster! As Diaz was hanging for the required eight seconds, brother Rex attempted to get in the ring. . .only to have Dick momentarily block his path by — oh god, it’s still disturbing even now — flashing him! One double-underhook bulldog later, and the Buckaroos’ winning streak was stopped at one!

Just as Diaz and Jeremy were celebrating their win, the twisted strains of Isaac Alter’s music played. Out came none other than Mordecai, Bible in hand. Just as he took the house mic, a hearty round of “SHUT THE FUCK UP” chants started; this made it a bit hard to catch what he had to say (not that I care, but I try to get as much detail as I can). I did hear him say something about the partnership of Diaz and Jeremy being “an abomination”, and that Diaz needed to “get down on [his] knees and pray for salvation.” As soon as I heard the words “down on [his] knees’, I thought “this isn’t going to end well. . .for Mordecai.” Diaz started to kneel — then stopped and took the mic from Mordecai. “Justin Diaz never gets down in his knees. . .unless Dick Jeremy’s around. . .” (or words to that effect] and with that said, he delivered a swift bulldog to the dark priest and rolled him out of the ring.

Apparently Diaz had something else on his mind: “I’ve had a lot of fun all these years in the ring, but those years are catching up with me . . .and on September 18th, I will wrestle my final match. But until then. . .” he sent Jeremy back to the locker room, “I’m going to have some fun. . .some of you may remember how I began. . .” Jeremy quickly returned to the ring, with a feather boa in hand — a boa that he handed to Diaz, “I used to be known as ‘The Rainbow Warrior’. . .well, until my final night, The Rainbow Warrior is back!” His old entrance theme, “It’s Raining Men”, began to play as the duo headed back to the locker room.

For this opening match, I’m awarding Dick Jeremy the Rodney Carrington “Show Them To Me” Award for his actions. (And if you know the song, you know why I chose this one).

MCW Heavyweight Champion Christian Vaughn (who looked more like the character of Goku from the DragonBall Z series, so that’s what I’ll be referring to him as from now on), along with assists from his loyal minion Big Hurt and Minka Murder, defeated Super Lucha in what could best be called a 3-on-1 handicap match. Lucha tried to keep an eye out for ambushes, but in a situation like this, you can only do so much before the numbers get to you. Goku and company seemed to rely more on distracting the referee and interfering then actually wrestling, while Lucha fought an incredible fight with such moves as a swing around the ringpost into a hurricanrana on Goku, an off-the-top-rope diving DDT, and a split-legged moonsault that Rob Van Dam would have approved of. But when the ref was distracted, it was all Goku’s night as he finished Lucha with a belly-to-back superplex and his trademark piledriver for the win.

As Goku and Hurt administered a post-match attack on Lucha, out from the back like a bullet came Luscious Larry Lavender, who slid into the ring and laid into Big Hurt with a flurry of punches! A new ref came in behind him, called for the bell, and the next match — a Falls Count Anywhere match — was on!

I’m not even going to try to detail this match for you, folks, because not only did it go everywhere in the Wrestleplex (and I do mean EVERYWHERE — even the restroom area and the concession stand), there was little finesse or science to it; it was simply sheer, unadulterated violence and mayhem. Chairs were used (and even broken — yes, we learned that steel chairs can break!), poles, doors, a shopping cart (don’t ask me where it came from, but they found one), and even the building itself came into play. In the end (and I’d really like to tell you how, but even from my vantage point, I couldn’t see how), Luscious Larry Lavender put an end to the feud by pinning Big Hurt!

To Luscious Larry Lavender, I’m awarding the Rev’s Tommy Dreamer “Hardcore Icon” medal. Breaking a steel chair — I don’t impress easily, but you have to admit, that in itself was DAMN impressive.

Jamie Starr and Matt Mason — known as The Hi-Def Super Novas (dear Lord, what the hell manner of name is THAT?) — made their MCW debut by facing my favorite tag team, Mentally Unstable. Now, I must admit that I was a bit impressed at first by the HDSN entrance style. . .a little flashy for my tastes, and Jesse Ventura needs to check his supply of boas, I think some of them were missing. . .and I was starting to like them — until they started talking. And thus ended my approval. Out came Krazy and Toby Klein, and the match was on! Just as things were going well for the Mentally Unstable team, I saw Toby glance at ringside and his look went dark; sitting at ringside were Dr. Dale Pierce and Jebediah — who had been suspended by Commissioner Shasta! I’m not sure if they were working with the HDSN, but their presence seemed to throw Toby off his game; when I saw Toby say “WHERE IS SHE?”, I remembered not seeing his fiancee in the crowd. . . Oh, this was going south faster then a bad bottle of tequila, which didn’t bode well for Krazy, who was getting worked over by the Novas, who ended up winning the match.

After the match, a fight broke out between Toby, Jebediah, and Dr. Dale; this brought out Shasta, who didn’t looked amused.

“You two jackasses know you’re suspended, yet you sneak in here. . .no one knows where Mr. Insanity’s girl is, but I know you’re involved. . .Jebediah, you and Toby have damn killed each other over the last few months, so we’re gonna end this once and for all — on July 31st, MCW XXXTreme’s coming back to Massillon . . .it’s going to be Jebediah and ‘Mr. Insanity’ Toby Klein in an ‘I QUIT’ match!”

And here I thought the Dog Collar match was bad. . .

Allison Kay scored an upset win in a No-DQ match over Jessicka Havok, who hit the ring with a full head of steam to start it off. Allison not only had a chair with Jessicka’s picture on it, she had a couple of packets of powder hidden somewhere — and used them both to gain the win! While she fought a good match, I have to say that Ms. Havoc made two tactical mistakes; not only did her anger cost her any focus, she underestimated her opponent. (You’ll get her next time, Jessicka, no worries.)

During the course of the show, raffle tickets were available for a chance to be one of the five fans involved in the night’s Main Event — a Lumberjack Strap match between Mike Hercum and Wilbur Whitlock for the MCW Elite Championship. 3 guys and 2 girls were the winners, and I couldn’t help but note that one of the girls seemed a little too excited about being able to use a strap on someone. . .maybe I was wrong. . .

A few minutes later, the locker room emptied out with MCW lumberjacks all armed with belts, joining the 5 fans. (At this point, I left my usual vantage point to get a better view) The lumberjacks were primed to use their straps, and they seemed to look like piranhas waiting for a side of beef. . .

Wilbur came out to the ring, a smile on his face (and I don’t think it was because he was happy to be there, it was a smile that said “Oh the things I’m gonna do tonight. . .”). This was a man ready for a war. Mike Hercum came out next, his cockiness not as pronounced as usual. At the bell, the match started, and the lumberjacks closed in.

(One note: there was a rule made for the lumberjacks — the straps could be used only when one man’s feet were BOTH on the floor.)

Hercum was the first out on the floor, only he had the presence of mind to bail out in friendly territory. The second time he went out, not so lucky — and he tasted the straps!

Wilbur got it next, then it began to alternate between the two – although it seemed Hercum got it a little harder then Wilbur did. . .

There was even a mishap in the lumberjacks, as it looked like Big Hurt clipped Goku with a belt!

In a moment of confusion, Big Hurt decided to change the rules; he got a chair, got up into the ring, and blasted Wilbur with it!

Hercum saw the unconscious Wilbur, set up the Sharpshooter, and to the ref (who I had a short come-to-Jesus chat with after the match), it appeared that Wilbur had passed out — from the submission hold (despite the fact that there was a chair in the ring — HELLO?) and awarded the match to Mike Hercum!

My opinion of what happened matched that of the crowd — WTH?

I talked to Referee Dave Rogers after the match, and this was his statement:

“Rev, all I saw was that Hercum had Wilbur in the submission hold, and Wilbur wasn’t responding to me. I didn’t have a choice in the matter, I had to award the match to Mike Hercum. Yes, there was a chair in the ring, but I didn’t see anyone use it. And I can’t go on what I hear, I have to go with what I see. I’m sorry, it sucks sometimes, but that’s the way it is.”

I checked the MCW rulebook myself, and damn if he wasn’t right. Crap. Ah well. . .Wilbur, if I was you, I know who I’d be going after next. . .

Until next time, I am the Reverend Rogue Six, and in the words of The Most Interesting Man in the World (an old drinking buddy of mine), “I normally don’t watch wrestling, but when I do, I prefer MCW — stay extreme, my friends.”